i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
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