i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
ok first of all what the fuck
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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