did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
