Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
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