I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
The best revenge is premature balding
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
