i don't plan on having that self control this summer
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
