You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
I had to cum in my sink.
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