I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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