I have demons in me.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
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