whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
