eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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