After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Randomize
