Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Randomize
