true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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