Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
This baby is an asshole
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
