Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
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