Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
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