We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
