Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
