he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
