I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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