Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
