Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
