Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
