Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
