Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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