So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
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