Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
