I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
