I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
no more duck duck goose at the bar
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I just gargled with NyQuil
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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