i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Randomize
