NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Randomize
