He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Randomize
