just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
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