I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
