Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
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