false alarm. still invincible.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Randomize
