That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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