So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
