i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Houston, we have a squirter
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize
