Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
