So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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