She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
