In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
