Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
it glows. i had to have it.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
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