i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I'm getting married
To pizza
i now understand why vodka
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Randomize
