Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
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