I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
