He kissed a someone with a penis
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
