Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
