Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
You are the jesus of drinking
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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