i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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