Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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