ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
