How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
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