glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Randomize
