pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
