you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Randomize
