God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
