Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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