is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
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