i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
