What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
