my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
