Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Come share oat with me in your robe
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Randomize
