there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
