i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
