im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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