Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Two words: blizzard sex
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
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