I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Randomize
