Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
We're too hungover to prance.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
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