Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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