He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
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He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
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I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
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