they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Randomize
