Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
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