hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
